8 Mar

So actually what sparked or made me want to write this post was after going through Instagram I saw how people were spending their time. It kind of made me think back and think what am I doing with my life. To be honest I am imagining myself to want to be somewhere else but I just am also not satisfied with how I am not pushing myself to be where I want to be.

Also I was thinking back to the multiple goals I have and is it too much for me to handle all of them at one go? Its okay I can handle it. The busier I am, the less time I have and the more energy I spend on doing these things, the more energy I have to Go!!!!


  1. Activity: Dancing
    Motivation factor: I  love it ! (early morning, play music and close the door)
    Benefits: Fitness and ENERGY!
    SMART: To get up early every weekend morning and time 1 hour
  2. Activity: Applying for scholarship and schools by 8 March (PA SCHOLARSHIP!!!!)
    Motivation factor: Being an OT (Reality plus satisfying job)
    Benefits: Stable future
    SMART: 1 hour after work start at 8.30pm. end by 23 March
  3. Activity: IELTS exam
    Motivation factor: Being able to converse clearly and slowly
    Benefits: For 2 uni applications (need  it before applying)
    SMART: To start after  scholarship submissions, 1h after work to start @ 8.30pm to take exam by end of April 2019
  4. Activity: Anatomy course
    Motivation factor: I love anatomy!
    Benefits: To raise credentials for interview
    SMART: On the weekends, to spend 2 hours each weekend day.
  5. Activity: DRIVING EXAM by June 2019
    Motivation factor: To not waste my money!!!
    Benefits: Help Papa drive
    SMART: On the weekends, to spend 2 hours each weekend day
  6. Activity: Volunteering
    Motivation factor: I love meeting the people and the experiences and memories and satisfaction that I gain
    Benefits: Connections
    Its already embedded as part of my life as I choose to commit to it with the people I’ve promised with.


Bucket List

  1. Lose weight to 45kg (For a healthy BMI and health, lighter body so I can dance, run, jump and move around easily, with energy!
  2. Dancing: getting fit (I just love it)
  3. Watch Tametabi
  4. To watch Boku to Shippo
  5. Watch Hikaru’s (HSJ) robot drama ~ A.Y.T.
  6. Resort photos
  7. Lose weight to 45kg (For a healthy BMI and health, lighter body so I can dance, run, jump and move around easily, with energy!
  8. Learning Japanese:subbing/translating videos ( to understand my boys)
  9. Then be able to join a dance class, jump around and move easily ^O^
  10. Go to JAPAN for KAT-TUN!!!) in Year 2025
  11. JW Concert in Year 2026
  12. Arashi concert in Year 2027

Things to AVOID doing more than 1 hour in a day:
Watching dramas/read manga/JE videos/twitter scrolling (Do not escape, face your fears)


So what if I am a “swot” ?

7 Feb

I guess this recent event kinda triggered some feelings I had and I guess I was trying to avoid that feeling instead of facing it and “ride the wave”. I don’t know why but I take a while to resolve things or get my head around it. I guess you could say its PROCRASTINATION. But honestly, it is not something that I am “proud” of.

Now that uni is starting in a few weeks time I decided that I needed to change my perspective on things aka “studying”. So in Semester 1 I probably had more motivation, it being my first uni experience and having a friend that pushed me into studying hard. The campus environment also probably made it easier for me to focus on studying. Knowing these positive variables and those that do not help me focus, I will learn from these experiences for an elevated learning experience in 2021. Both for Semester 1 AND 2.

This contributes to my grades and for my scholarship application. I learnt many things really, about the importance of mental health, self care, the things I am distracted by, my diet and the negative impacts of snacking even if it is “cheap” but it’s costly for your health. And just as I typed this, I tried to run away to get some biscuits which was unsuccessful. I have to just ride the wave and get this post done.

Let’s summarise what I’ve learn
1) Setting a time limit for each activity with buffers
2) Daily morning mindfulness activity
3) Importance of self care even if you find it hard
4) Importance of protein, nutrient rich foods
5) Creation of environment you want to be in aka a clean room
6) Studying in a positive studying env aka library/school
7) Managing stress by riding the wave and having breaks

With that over and done with, something happened recently and it just triggered a swear word in me which I personally do not like it. But it’s triggering enough for me to mentally say it in my head.

An acquaintance posted a tip to get ready for uni and I replied that it was a great advice! Cause I knew that I should prepare because of my tendency to forget things and I knew that my previous semester 2 I didnt really have much quality learning done. Under the same post, a few days later someone said ” What a swot” something along those lines. I don’t know these slang words so I was curious what it meant and googled it and it means “someone who studies too much” I guess I find it triggering because well I know personally that I am FAR from that. Another reason may be because I don’t want to be seen as a “nerd”. But you know what, I’ve made up my mind. Call me a nerd, swot, gungho, whatever. I don’t care. Just you do you. I do me. Thinking back, why do I even need to care about what that person said. But yeah I will be swot, gungho and a nerd XP

This is my personal learning style, my issue, my time and my money. I am NOT going to do badly again and risk failing and losing an award or scholarship again just because I don’t want to be seen as “nerdy”. But yeah just get out of my business. Shoo Shoo. I don’t need this kind of toxicity. Anws stay firm, stay strong dear self and not get swayed by other thoughts. You can do it. It might not have been smooth sailing recently but you learn from your mistakes arrite??

Let’s put a plan into action “rubs hands” and ride the wave ~~~

To fulfill my dream

25 Sep

What is my dream?
What is the purpose of me pursuing this degree?
There are many reasons surrounding this
but it definitely connects me to my family.

An overseas education my sister has envied.
A trip to a musical my brother has looked forward to.
A family trip where we could go East, West or somewhere in between.

Whatever it is, I just know that I have to hold strong to this belief
That despite the struggles, it will pass
I have always survived

I used to think that life was tough
But I kept on going even when I found myself out of luck
But now I know that this life is afterall just a test
and I’m just doing my best
awaiting for a life of eternity

Looking back to the past and future

22 Aug

Damn. It’s been over a year since I’ve been here in New Zealand. I was reading my pre-departure jitters and wow 1 month. To receive my visa within that period is honestly REALLY fast and I am so fortunate to receive it on the day I stepped on NZ. Anyways, seriously I have come so far. From retaining a year, going on my school gap years, “foundation school”, passed Semester 1 and now the half of Semester 2 is coming.

I think it’s important to look at the past, reflect and move forward. People do say that the current is more important which I do agree but occasionally, looking back allows me to feel grateful and work even harder. Damn I feel like I’m gonna cry but there is sooooo much to say that I’m just gonna focus on two main things.

  1. Arashi’s hiatus
    They announced it at the beginning of 2019 and one of the goals I made was to study overseas which thank god came true. I am grateful but I tend to forget. These moments are one of which I would love to frequently recall so that I don’t lose my way.
    I said that I would study my butt off, balance and manage commitments, graduate and secure a job asap. These are very vague now that I am in this situation but it does put things in perspective on where my priorities lie. I also mention about getting funds to fund my degree which I am very worried that I might not be able to have enough for my year 2 of uni which is why I need to start applying for scholarships and bursaries asap too….
    However I also said that I want to be successful enough so that when Arashi is back I am a kick ass career woman. My priorities have changed though… but I would love to be as successful as them, career-wise.
  2. My move to NZ in mid-2019
    I would honestly say that my 2019 was pretty uneventful? Sure, I faced alot of hardships with my accommodation, living alone for the first time, making new friends, managing my finances but I honestly survived it all. Lol I say that it was “uneventful” initially but whenever you’re in that specific situation you just feel at a loss. When I look back on it now, I am pretty impressed at myself for surviving that half of a year. I think what kept me going back then was my goals too.

Now, let’s focus on the present: My current worries are managing a work-life-study balance. I’ll have to break it down further but I think what really helped me was the lack of wifi access. Something I always abuse whenever I have access to it. Even today. Damn I think I just summarized it very succinctly well XD. Yup. I’ve got it. I just have to focus, eliminate distractions and focus on working on my goals.

Sweet as. Let’s move forward.



Where did you learn your English?

22 Aug

Honestly, as a Singaporean who has spoken English all my life and having been exposed to it since I was born I honestly felt insulted hahaha. I had various thoughts in my head such as, did you think you English was that good? I even had to check and look at my own IELTS results 8.0 yo XD to validate myself after. (Meh I guess it’s the English environment that I was brought in that was different but I really do need to be more confident of my personal abilities) But I then realised that it is a second language for them. So, to be fair, it is probably not an accent they’re used to and the English they have been exposed to is different from the English I was exposed to.

Anyways, I tried to find on Google if other international Singaporean citizens have faced such an issue but the results weren’t exactly what I was looking for…

Instead, what I found was discussions ” about Singlish or ” Standard English” whatever you call it. To summarise, it is a choice if you would rather speak formally or informally. To me, growing up in Singapore I have always used English in an informal manner. I just have been slapped with this reality that being in an “angmoh” or what you would call a non-Asian country, (cuz NZ isn’t European right? butttt many are from Britain XD) I digress.

Basically, to communicate with others well in this foreign country, I have no choice but to change my way of thinking. Another point mentioned was that we wanted fast and easy, which resulted in us speaking quickly, shortening our sentences and used “simpler & quicker” words. I admit I fall into this trap very frequently. However, I guess the moral of the day is that I can’t speak informally to people here. I have to learn how to compartmentalize the way I think and speak. Even if it means that I have to be “formal” (imo) to them. From their perspective that is something regular, but for me, I have to adapt the way I think and speak. Whooo reality only hit me hard now despite being told at the beginning of the year. I mean she told me before but I just brushed it off cuz she just gave up XD

But yupppp I guess I have to start speaking more formally to engage better with others. Let’s take this positively though, it will be a good chance for me to start training early so that when I have to meet my own patients in my training, the switch isn’t as hard for me ^o^ I would also have to change my thinking that the customers who come into the pharmacy would all be my patients. Yeah. This part-time “work” just because it was given to me unofficially and informally, does not mean that it is not a proper job. I will have to face patients with health issues so I need to approach them with a health mindset. Offering them services or products of the highest quality that will benefit them regardless of the price. Sales are made when products and customer service of the best quality are provided to them. I guess I need to switch to my A game, giving my best effort in everything I choose to do. It gets tiring but I guess what will keep me going are my goals and the reasons I choose to do what I want to do.


Working out to be the best version of yourself

5 Apr

Thanks to a Quora post reply I feel motivated and think that it’s possible for me to reach the body type I’ve often envisioned to have. This has led me to create a pretty meaningful collage for myself as a my desktop background AND started on my journey in creating the best version of myself (physically in this case) by listing my SMARTER goals.

However, as a reminder for myself I wanted to quote some of the comments that I saw. These include:
1) Everyone has abs, it’s just covered with a layer of fat for most of us. We have to remove that stubborn fat to see them underneath.
2) Doing too much cardio will break down your muscle.
3) The more muscle you have, MORE calories are burnt PASSIVELY (*coughs* muscle-building workouts)
4) Female and male bodybuilders with abs and lean figures took years to get there. 
5) Don’t be discouraged if you’re only a few years in and your abs aren’t where you want them yet.
4) As months pass, if you are consistent you’ll slowly get stronger and more defined.
5) Abs look different for each individual!!!
6)  Do not aim to look like someone else BUT aim to be the best you that YOU want to achieve ^o^

I do have my own list of to dos when it comes to lifestyle, diet and exercise. I also believe that each individual is different so I would say you do YOU. To do what you think is best for yourself, your health and your body ^o^


Pre departure jitters

10 Jun

So basically its like 32 days from when I’m going to fly abroad to a country which I’ve never been to alone. Damn reality hit me so much harder. But yeah, currently I’m feeling worried, my visa hasn’t been submitted yet and I need to do a greater research about my accommodation environments. Probably need a map to figure out my way once I’m there. Packing home essentials, how I’m gonna communicate with my family and friends. My stomach feels weird but now I’m not sure if its due to nervousness or because I ate something bad today hahaha.

But hey yeah, writing all this down does help me to calm down myself abit. Being able to see visually what are the various things that I need to do. ‘

You can do it. You’ll see. Imagine being able to things at your own pace and target. Managing yourself and being able to focus more on yourself and achieving your long-term dreams and ambition.

Like Sho Sakurai said, Write it as a dream, Read it as a goal.

How Arashi’s hiatus announcement made me decide on my goals for 2020

24 Feb

With the announcements, translations and reactions when Arashi announced that they were going on hiatus in end 2020, I thought I was fine. Sure, just like everyone else I was in such shock that I’m glad someone quickly responded to me. It took me a awhile to digest while I was otw home listening to some Arashi music in the car. But I could accept it. I was and still am really glad that Ohno gets that break. Honestly, Ohno is a genius artist he needs that freedom. Let him just go for awhile and do whatever he wants. I really trust him that he will come back. There is a 0.001% lingering doubt now but I don’t know I just really want to believe in him and Arashi. It’s not its then end of the world of something. But let’s be serious he is a human being. Also, if Ohno isnt happy, what’s the point? because no point doing half-hearted things and also I wouldnt be happy either seeing Ohno suffer like this. Also, the fact that they’ve given us 2 years to digest that news is plenty to be grateful for. This is the logical side of me that has been feeling before I started playing that FC video.

So today, I tried watching the JFC video, I thought I was ready like yeah since I’ve been okay with the news and all you know? But then okay first there was no sound, okay seemed alright but what’s the point of watching it without sound right. So I switched to another video player. Meanwhile I was doing some other work at the same time. So the video began playing in the bg.  Arashi looking solemn, saying they had an announcement to make. And then when I heard Ohno’s voice, for the first few seconds. He sounded so sad and so much in pain I could not take it. I quickly closed it. And my heart still hurts now.

You know what? Let’s pause abit

Let’s try watching it one more time now, just in case if it was one of those “emo” moments that sometimes when you watch it again then it feels different. Yes that miniminimini break in Ohno’s voice when he explains it.(Cmon heart be strong).

Okay Im calm but it really is Ohno-poi, sticking firmly to his beliefs. OHNO-SANNNNN okay tbh at this point I love him even more.

I LOVE ARASHI!!!! ToT Arashi always wanting us to be happy

ARASHIIIIIIII I cant believe Im smiling but really everyone’s words are so warm. and they keep emphasising on tanoshii.

The word of every single member… Nino… Jun-kun… Aiba-chan… Sho-kun and Ohno-kun.

Can I be honest? I am somewhat relieved?? like I want to make myself believe that I am glad as this means that I have more time to focus on my goals. Rather, that period when Arashi is on hiatus. It obviously mean that as a fan I will have less materials to catch on eg. VS Arashi and their guestings on shows and stuff. Less distractions I would say. Less thinking Oh no, I have to watch this and have my mind be distracted with it. Also, that hiatus will be a good time to catch up on the backlog of Arashi items I havent watched HAHAHA. There is still KAT-TUN but of course, overall, I have less things to worry about XDDD.

I have digressed. But the main point is. I can focus on my studies. Currently, I’m trying to apply for scholarship in case I am not able to study in my local university

Plan A: Local uni. STUDY FREAKING HARD. Graduate by 2024. Have a job. Financially stable and I can support my family, my fav JE idols, Perfume and Pentatonix. 😍 (Take note, this is in order from topmost priority XDDD

Plan B: Overseas uni. STUDY MY BUTT OFF but still balancing my various commitments Graduate by 2024. Have a job. Financially stable and I can support my family, my fav JE idols, PERFUME and Pentatonix. 😍 (Take note, this is in order from topmost priority XDDD)

I cannot slack. I really need to ensure that I gather enough funds that allows me to get a degree and be able to then secure a proper and stable job and be a contributing member to the society and help as many patients as I can.

This period will be for me to be the best me that I can and will be and when I am successful and hopefully by that time Arashi is back. I will kick ass as a career woman who can fully support their activities ^O^.

The end point

24 Sep

Where do I want to end up?

What exactly it is that I want to be?

These questions should be playing in my mind all the time. But instead, I am distracted. Distracted by everyday’s distractions, trying to run away and relax too much.

I had a pretty tiring and rough day today that didn’t go as planned that I almost broke down in the train. Furthermore, I overheard two guys talking in the train about giving back to the community and knowing whether you have done enough before you die.

So that got me thinking,

Am I really giving my all?

Would I be satisfied dying like this?

And the answers that I got was that I wasn’t doing enough, I have so much more things that I want to do and achieve. NO! I will not let my life end in this way.

Sakurai Sho’s quote, where he “wrote” a letter to his younger self about not worrying about pushing himself to the limits cuz he’s not gonna die anyway. And somehow it really reasonated with me and I told myself to push myself mentally, physically and emotionally. I don’t know is it healthy? Am I going to self-destruct? But honestly now that I think back it might be difficult but on the other hand,if not now then when? Rationally speaking, what I have to do now is set a specific plan with a specific goal. DO NOT BE LAZY.

Think about how you felt when you had to retain.

Think about how awful you felt today at work when you didn’t perform at 100% capacity.

Think about where you want to be after all the hardwork you’ve put in.

You CANNOT let yourself or your parents or anyone down. You’ve just gotta do it.

You can do it okay? I know you can. You’ve done it before and you will do it again.


Specific short term goals can lead to long term goals and I will do my IELTS by the end of November.


Self empowerment

11 Mar

You know what.

Actually, being yourself, in my opinion anyway, is really important. For example when you’re applying for a university or a job or when meeting new people. Well, think about it, if if you try to mold yourself or try to be a certain way or follow a certain mold won’t you think too much?? Besides, it may be difficult for you to move on as you keep thinking of those “model” qualities and then try to relate yourself to that which can be some sort of gap and be sort of difficult to pull them together.

Well of course qualities, ambitions or values are good to follow. However, one’s experience is different from another and what that person may have gone through will be different from your own. Also, if you keep thinking about that WOW ability of others, it’s possible that you may lose sight of your own and you’ll just be weird in a sense. Drifting in and out of a certain way you think you should act or be like.

In addition, by seeing your own qualities will you be able to shine much brighter in your own light. That’s the point isn’t it? To show others that you are you and that you have that spark within you that is different from everyone else. Also, seeing you being comfortable with yourself will put others at ease too.

This is not to say that you should always remain stagnant as there are so many ways you can develop and improve yourself. I guess there’s this fine line between wanting to improve yourself and wanting to be like someone else. It can be difficult sometimes but if you focus on your own abilities and limitations, you’re already one step ahead.

Just some recent reflection ^^